G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Rating

Director

Stephen Sommers

Screenplay

Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett, Michael B. Gordon, Stephen Sommers

Length

118 min.

Starring

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Karolina Kurkova, Byung-hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Kevin J. O’Connor, Gerald Okamura, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Dennis Quaid, Saïd Taghmaoui, Channing Tatum, Arnold Vosloo, Marlon Wayans

MPAA Rating

PG-13 for strong sequences of action violence and mayhem throughout

Review

Like many films released in the last decade, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra hopes to revive ‘80s school boy memories by invoking all of the cultural touchstones of the period.

With comic book movies already piquing the interest of said demographic, it’s not surprising to see cartoon properties being adapted to the big screen. After the colossal failure of The Flintstones, it’s surprising that the trend is continuing. And while Scooby Doo was a success and Josie and the Pussycats was far better than expected, that doesn’t mean that Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake or Thundercats make good adaptation possibilities.

As usual, they try anyway and the results continue to be exceptionally lackluster. For those who never watched the original Saturday morning staple, G.I. Joe was about a team of U.S. soldiers who employed teamwork and friendship to take out the dastardly villain Cobra and his evil schemes. The film version of the series takes those basic tenets, minimizes them and adds lots of action sequences, a weak plot and unimpressive performances and makes a film that is significantly reminiscent of the vain attempts to revive The Flintstones and the Beverly Hillbillies back in the 1990s.

The plot here revolves around an underwater complex where the technology mastermind Destro (Christopher Eccleston) is attempting to establish a new world order with himself as a leader, hoping to do what his ancestors could not. However, a group of special operations soldiers stand in his way.

Trying to puzzle your way through the story isn’t always easy, but when everything finally plays out, you wonder what it was all for? There are a few interesting set pieces, a couple of nifty fights sequences and plenty of attractiveness to please audiences of all persuasions.

Channing Tatum isn’t as bad as he could have been, which could be considered a blessing. Still, his headstrong, cocky Duke becomes grating after awhile; while his best bud Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) is annoying from start to finish. His attempts to crack the kick-ass veneer of Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) ring a false tone fairly early on and when they get together in the end (like you didn’t fully expect it to happen?), you’re left unconcerned.

Even the villains of the film seem to paint themselves into corners. They have some measure of depth that is quickly squandered with bad dialogue from the quintet of screenwriters for the film. Eccleston and Gordon-Levitt certainly have the pedigree to provide credibly, nuanced performances, but even the typecast Arnold Vosloo, as shape-changing Zartan, is more interesting.

If you want a film that’s filled with stunts, explosions, kissing and killing, then G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra won’t disappoint. However, if you’re looking for the joyous rise of the classic animated series to a new, exciting medium, you will be sorely disappointed.

Review Written

November 30, 2009